Bumf's Playoff Prognosticatin'

Move over, amateurs -- if you are wanting to know the real scoop, if you feel the need for intrigue, if you are a-haverin' for a waverin' (whatever that means), you've come to the right place.

Call your bookies -- The 2007-08 NHL Playoff Results can be seen here first.

Round 1

The BEASTS of the EASTS

Montreal (1) v. Boston (8)

The Habs beat the Beez like a red-headed step-child this year, and they appear to keep the tradition alive and well come post-season. Their power-play ranked number one in the league, and their offensive output was outstanding. They also have a hot-shot rookie 'tender between the pipes, harking back memories to a Liberal Member of Parliament and a certain nut-job of a head coach who sends his son off on hit missions.

Still, not all is as seems. Five-on-five, the Bruins had an identical GF/GA ratio, and they ranked a mere 23rd in total number of penalties. They've also been without Patrice Bergeron for most of the season, a problem which will be soon remedied, and leading scorer Marc Savard will also be back. They have some solid role players, including former Flame Chuck Kobasew, who has made a name for himself on the third line, and the always dependable Zdeno Chara will be playing 75 minutes a night (approx.)

The wild card here is Timmy "the Tank Engine" Thomas, who holds one of the best save percentages in the league, not to mention he is one of most unpredictable freaks behind a mask since Jason Voorhees. If he continues to stand on the head, the series will be much closer than analysts are predicting.

Key Phrase: "You give me 8-0 in the regular season and I'll show you a potentially huge first-round upset."

Habs in 6.


Pittsburgh (2) v. Ottawa (7)

... and what's the deal with the Sens? They are complaining that a team will throw a game just to meet them in the post-season, and then sit their captain and top power forward for the entire series? What's the deal with that? [use your best Seinfeld impersonation for full effect]

Seriously, though, the Sens suck. As for Pittsburgh, ever since Marc Andre-Fleury changed his pads from the snot-gold hue to a enamel white, the guy has been fantastic. Sergei Gonchar is playing the best defense in his life, and the top two lines are lighting it up like their own 4th of July celebration. And this is without Marian Hossa and whatsisname from Cole Harbour in the lineup.

Key Phrase: Time to refurbish the nettings behind Gerber.

Pens in 5.


Washington (3) v. Philadelphia (6)

Ovechkin is this year's Crosby; he's the darling of the media, he's revived a franchise, and he's going to have his ass handed to him in the post-season. True, the guy's big, he's fast, he can shoot and he's a force to be reckoned with. To imagine him being left off the scoresheet is unimaginable. Fact: he is going to score.

Big deal? Not really. The Caps are a chippy team, chippy because they aren't really that good. The problem for them is that Philly is also a chippy team, except they are better at it. They might not be able to completely shut down Ovechkin, but they are more than capable of shutting down those who get the puck to him. Namely, Mike Green and Nicklas Backstrom will have to keep their heads on a swivel if they don't want to etch their facial features into the Wachovia Center sideboards.

Key Phrase: "Keep Ovechkin to a goal-a-game or less, and the series is done."

Flyers in 6.


New Jersey (4) v. New York (5)

The Rangers dominated the Devils during the regular season, but they are also facing one of the greatest playoff goaltenders in history in a seven-game series. The problem for the Devils? The Rangers have a goalie who is just as good.

The Devils do have strong coaching and some offensive ability, but it seems as if the Rangers have built a team specifically to beat New Jersey. They have added toughness and a defensive attitude, and with the arrival of Gomez, Drury and super-pest Avery, they are hoping to go the distance.

Key Phrase: "As Luke Skywalker said a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, This is going to be close!"

Rangers in 6.



The CHESTS of the WEST


Detroit (1) v. Nashville (8)

Not much to say here. Nashville has been heroic in their comeback and Ellis might win a game or two, but they simply cannot match-up.

Key Phrase: "What was that?"

Wings in 5.


San Jose (2) v. Calgary (7)

Yeah, yeah, I know. 18-0-2. Big deal. When's the last time a team went 18-0-2 in the post-season? Never, that's when.

The Sharks gave themselves a big push with the addition of offensive d-whiz Brian Campbell at the trading deadline and it has certainly paid dividends. They also have the top goalie in the regular season backing them up, plus Big Joe Thornton leading the offensive charge. It seems like nothing can stop them.

Nothing, except a team which was built for the post-season, including a roster full of savvy veterans, a proven playoff goaltender, and a no-nonsense coach who has been there before. Iginla and Phaneuf both know that they have something to prove after the past two post-seasons, and believe me, they are not going to take this series lightly. Kipper has really come on the past couple of months, as has Matthew "Winged Lightning" Lombardi. Don't be surprised to see Lombo line up between Huselius and Nolan, giving the second line a turbo injection against the Marleau unit, while Craig Conroy will be able to solely concentrate on shutting down Thornton along with Stephane Yelle and Wayne Primeau.

Key Phrase: "What has Thornton ever won?"

Key Phrase II: "And what will be his excuse this time?"

Flames in 6.


Minnesota (3) v. Colorado (6)

Damn, that Gaborik looks fantastic as of late. Scoring key goals in key games, skating around like the superstar he was always meant to be. It is very likely that he will be retaining the 'C' on his heart throughout the post-season, as he has finally taken control of his enigmatic team.

Colorado, with the addition of Adam Foote and Peter Forsburg, and with the resurgence of Jose Theodore, look unstoppable. Too bad this isn't 2002. Forsburg is looking terrific and well-rested, and can only help an anemic power-play and the face of their offensive problems, Ryan Smyth. The Wild are a truly great team and have earned their seed, but it might come down between a perennial no-show in Minny versus one freakishly abnormal Swedish foot.

Key Phrase: "Hey! You're lacing them too tight!"

Lanche in 7.


Anaheim (4) v. Dallas (5)

Ooh! Scary! The big, bad Ducks are back and looking for more. The problem is, no one told the Stars. Marty Turco, despite his reputation, actually played well in last year's playoffs and there is no reason why he cannot continue his winning ways. Dallas has a very well-rounded team, albeit with limited scoring, but their style is more than capable of squeezing out a victory every night.

The primary factor for the South Stars, however, will be the lack of grit by Mike Ribeiro, who notched more than a point-per-game this season, but was surprisingly quiet in the second half. Brad Richards, meanwhile, might still break out of his three-year funk, and he is a proven clutch performer. That might not be enough, though, especially when matched up against an increasingly terrifying Ryan Getzlaf attack.

Key Phrase: "I need me one more win before I ride off to the ACC sunset" -- Brian Burke.

Ducks in 7.


Round 2


Montreal (1) v. Flyers (6)

Montreal's too damn good.

Key Phrase: "What do you mean? We have to play an actual NHL team this round?"

Habs in 5.


Pittsburgh (2) v. New York (5)

The Pens powerful offense gets blindsided by Tom Renney's defensive coverage, Lunqvist's goal acrobatics, and the Rangers' veteran leadership.

Key Phrase: "NHL Poster Boy out 4 months due to sprained playoff run."

Blueshirts in 6.


Detroit (1) v. Calgary (7)

Is it 2004 all over again? Nope. This time, it will take Calgary the full seven games to knock off the Wings. (I can dream, can't I?)

Key Phrase: "Ouch, my hip!"

Flames in 7.


Anaheim (4) v. Colorado (6)

The Ducks are too big and mean for li'l ol' Colorado, who spent too much energy ridding the Wild. They're toast.

Key Phrase: "Forsburg's foot? Meet Pronger's skate."

Ducks in 5.


Round 3


Montreal (1) v. New York (5)

The best match-up of the playoffs so far. Two well-coached, well-balanced squads facing off in front of two terrific young goalies in the two greatest cities in the NHL. Montreal's fantastic, but the Rangers' defensive play will rule in the end.

Key Phrase: "Toronto? Never heard of the place."

Blueshirts in 7.


Anaheim (4) v. Calgary (7)

The two toughest, most playoff-oriented teams meet again in a rematch of 2006. That time, the Ducks were the underdogs while the Flames choked under the pressure of game 7. It's redemption time.

Key Phrase: "Iginla continues his Conn Smythean assault."

Flames in 6.


The Stanley Cup Finals


New York (5) v. Calgary (7)

Why not?

Key Phrase: "Ovechkin can have his Hart. Iggy's got Stanley."

Flames in 5.



Yah. Baby.


(P.S. Check out my regular season wrap-up at BumfOnline)