Beat the Monkey!!

Peace from Russia.

I was going to call this post, "Spank the Monkey," but I know that Beeg wouldn't have been able to handle it without giggling like a schoolgirl.

Normally, calling me out on a blog doesn't work, but when it's coupled with Phoff's outrageous predictions, or when coupled with his attempt claim that picking Vinny Lecavalier for the Richard trophy is a "new" pick, well I feel compelled to defend reason, honour, and english (that's in advance of Shaky's post).

Since the stupid ass monkey on TSN is allowed to make picks, but not call the number of games I've decided that I deserve the same rights as a monkey (up yours, Dr. Zaius!) and will do the same. Calling games is for fools and Oilers, Flames, and Avs fans. Not me though and not the legion of Sens fans who don't want to guess how many games it will be until Jason Spezza wilts, Ray Emery fights someone and the team falls apart. I will however reserve the right to editorialize.

Without further ado, starting in the West...

1-Detroit vs 8-Calgary = Detroit

- I'd love to pick the Flames, I really would, but I just don't think they are playing consistently enough to beat a Detroit team that doesn't get enough credit for being very good. However, if Hasek hurts himself (likely) or Iginla comes out and starts drilling Red Wings all over the ice, I could see the series swinging. And PS- for all the talk of Calgary's great defensive game Detroit had a better team goals against for the year.

2-Anahiem vs 7-Minnesota = Minnesota

- It seems to me that every year in the West there is a big upset and I'm going to take a flyer and say this is it for 2007. I took a look at this Backstrom kid they've got in the pipes and FYI - he's good. Backstrom led the league in GAA and SV%. Also, one other thing that I've noticed the last few years is that the team that's hot coming in can make a run. The Wild made a run at Vancouver right until the end and is coming in on a 7-2-1 run, while the Ducks are riding a 5-3-2 record in their last ten. I think the Ducks peaked in December and that Lemaire and the boys are going hunting to bag themselves an upset in round 1.

3-Vancouver vs 6-Dallas = Vancouver

- I had a tough time calling this one because frankly I didn't know that the Sedins had led the Canucks in scoring by such a wide margin or that Henrik put up 70+ points with only 10 goals. The margins between these teams are very small. I agree that it's a problem when Rebeiro is your leading scorer, but I think it's a bigger problem when your next two highest scorers are defensemen (Zubov and Boucher) and the guy keeping pucks out at the other end has a legit argument to be league MVP.

4-Nashville vs 5-San Jose = Sharks

- So the Predators acquire one of the better players of the last decade (when healthy) and play worse. So the Sharks push Anaheim for the first part of the season, but Thornton and Cheechoo aren't clicking and they fall off, but Thornton in particular gets it together to push for the scoring title. So the Sharks come into the playoffs on a 7-1-2 run and have the same goal differential as the Preds. Hmmm, it sounds tough to call, but I'm taking the Sharks because I think the Preds rolled the dice on Forsberg and messed up their chemistry.

Onto the East...

1-Buffalo vs 8-NY Islanders = Buffalo

- Debido says the Isles "have no business" being in the playoffs. Well, okay, but Scoreboard being all that matters in sports and since as Bill Parcells once said, you are what the standings say you are, over 82 games Carolina, Montreal, Toronto, and Boston had no more business being in the playoffs that the Isles. That having been said, Buffalo is going to smoke the Isles, especially since it looks like they'll have the Dubester in between the pipes. PS- Is everyone aware that Tom Vanek scored 43 goals and led the league in +/-...Tom "Freaking" Vanek!!

2-New Jersey vs 7-Tampa Bay = New Jersey

- You know, mid-February, when T-Bay was pushing and passing Atlanta in the Southeast division I would've probably picked this differently, but I think we have to acknowledge what John Tortorella won't - despite three excellent forwards and a couple of decent defensement, this team's goaltending is just too poor. They let in more goals than they scored, which is a recipe for disaster. The Devils step it up in the playoffs, especially when their coach gets fired right before they start.

3-Atlanta vs 6-NY Rangers = Atlanta

- I have a vision...Jaromir Jagr is skating toward an opponent who's carrying the puck...he reaches out to hit him, arm first, and suddenly is grimacing in pain after contact...oh, whoa, that wasn't a dream it was Jagr's stupid assed approach to hitting in the playoffs. After a lackluster season in which he only seemed to care in the last month or so I can't see him putting this team on his back and carrying them to a round 1 win. Lundquist and Shanny are important too, but the Thrashers have played well since their deperate trade deadline moves (payoff and job kept for Don Waddell!!) and they have a legit backstop in Kari Lehtonen. They'll get a reprieve until they prove why they may be the 13th best team in the playoffs.

4-Ottawa vs 5-Pittsburgh = Ottawa

- Sigh...this one is torture. As a Sens fan, I like this year's team. I think that there are lots of good, rational reasons that they should beat Pittsburgh and are better than any team in the East other than Buffalo (and they're not far behind them at this point, considering their second half play). Ottawa was 3rd in goals for (between Buffalo and Pittsburgh), 10th in goals against, and 1st in goal differential. They were decent on the PP (14th overall at 17.9%) and tied for the league lead in SHG with 17. They can get scoring from four lines, but have the three superstars who could step up and lead. Their D is deep and healthy, including the underrated Tom Preissing, and they just locked up Chris Phillips for another four years, which should make him a happy kid. But this is Ottawa, and let's be honest, that counts for something too. There are three reasons that Pittsburgh could win this series and no one would be surprised:

1) Sid the Kid and his two "wingers" - Crosby is legitimately the best player in the NHL and at any moment can transcend a situation to make an impact and win a game. When coupled with Staal and Malkin these kids don't "know" that they're not yet ready for primetime and could get in such a zone, so unconscious, that they just light the Sens on fire.

2) Gary Roberts - I wouldn't have taken Roberts in a hockey pool for the last five years; he's been that far below average in the regular season. However, he seems to take extreme pleasure in torturing Ottawa in the playoffs. If he does it again this year I think that John Muckler may get lynched for not acquiring him at the deadline, if only to keep him away from the opposition.

3) Karma - I think that Ottawa is still living down the Daigle pick, not to mention Bonk and Phillips (good guy, solid D-man, not a #1). Some day when pig men roam free we will be able to win a Cup. Until then, let's all raise a glass to Frank Finnigan and hope to hell that Ray Emery has enough aggression built up to beat up Crosby and push the Sens through.