Who knew Carolyn Waldo played in Dallas?

Was Marty Turco trying out for the Canadian synchonized swimming team? or was he experiencing a brain fart which stunk worse than the Dallas-Fort Worth water treatment facility? Either way, the Colorado Avalanche's second goal with a few seconds left in the second period was the result of Turco flailing around like a goddamn clamped-nosed pussy wearing a tutu and water wings in the deep end of a swimming pool. Dallas lost eventually to Colorado, 3-2 in overtime, and are hitting the links as we speak.

There was a scramble in front of the goal. The puck went to the right of Turco who, while on his knees, turned left, fell on his stomach, and bent both of his legs up in the air in a pathetic attempt to deflect a lightly-flicked biscuit which could have been stopped by my 11-year-old neice. He looked like a buffoon and, despite his otherwise solid performance during the past couple of games, proved that the Dallas Stars might still be in the playoffs if it weren't for their extremely overpriced netminder.

The same could go for my playoff pools, all of which predicted the Stars would survive until at least the conference finals.

At the same time, credit must be due to Jose Theodore, who won his first playoff game as an Avs 'tender (the previous three wins to his record, of course, were merely losses by Turco). He stopped 50 belts his way and looked confident as he has ever been in his career. As such, Colorado is the first team to move on in the West, and my credibility to pick series correctly is at risk.